hi again
- its autumn now yay !!
- theres not much of a difference like i said previously but the heat has subsided a bit
- unfortunately ive been really paranoid recently so i cant say i had a good month
- i frequent a niche microblogging site quite a bit and most of the people on it are quite close ( including me ) so basically its like a giant friend group. unfortunately , i very much struggle with making and maintaining friendships so ive fucked up quite a few times , leading some people to dislike me , which in turn has made me paranoid that theyll turn everyone against me.
- theres one particular user that im very on and off with. some days i absolutely loathe them and feel as if they hate me and i need to plot against them before they do the same , but some days i feel calmer and dont mind them. despite it all , we have to pretend like we’re friends or. something. i wish i wasnt burdened with this
- anyways moving on. theres been no hurricanes yet but im pretty sure one will be hitting soon
- now that im not in school anymore , hurricanes to me are just mild inconveniences now instead of free tickets to get out of school for a day or 2.
- yknow surprisingly ive never had my power go out from a hurricane. once. but one time the winds triggered the fire alarm and it was blaring for 6 whole hours. by hour 2 my mom had to sit in the car with our dog while i stayed inside with my headphones on blasting guchiry
- another time a hurricane uprooted a huge ass tree near my house but hey at least the weather was nice for a bit after the hurricane ended
- ok im switching the topic right now because talking about hurricanes is boring imo
- ok ummmm. yesterday i saw a tumblr post about someone with npd getting rid of their artificial ego and building real self esteem. idk how they did that but i want to do that too
- living with npd is an incurable nightmare but it never once occurred to me that you could actually gain a stable ego with the disorder through healing. like i thought i was stuck with being insecure FOREVER
- i need to talk to my therapist about this when i potentially see her in november
- which btw. i havent seem my therapist since early JUNE.
- sigh well whatever im gonna stop ranting now ok bai